Sunday, January 27, 2019

Go Away


The forecasters are telling us that we have some snow coming at the end of the weekend and I have no use whatsoever for the stuff. It causes me to worry that old Norm who lives kitty-corner from me may drop dead of a heart attack while shoveling. Norm is the sort who accepts no help and will grumpily tell you that in no uncertain terms. Norman is a much kinder man in warmer weather. And my own corner lot is a challenge for me to clear. My lazy children are of no use other than to warm my heart as I see their smiles while they watch me through the picture window. Yes, I could lay down the law and stand over them as they do the shoveling, but I am fussy about how it is done and worry about slip and fall lawsuits from the same insensible fools who pay good money to speed down steep hills on fiberglass sticks and then take pride and solicit sympathy when they break a bone.

Small children also enjoy snow, but even with them it eventually brings misery. They begin to shiver and herd themselves inside whining that they are cold and demanding that you deal with their snotty noses. Good luck getting them to go back outside. They will make it known that they are bored and it will become your project to provide indoor amusement for them. By now they have already caught wind of the impending storm and are hopeful for a snow day from school. Generally, children do reason as well as adults, and telling them that they will have to make that up on a later warm day in the summer is useless. Their giddy ways tell them that they are getting over on the system. This is a basic human instinct and their juvenile mentality does not see beyond their own selfish interests.

Oh, I hope the weather people are wrong. I hope that in several days they are speaking their mumbo jumbo of occlusions or conversions that have thwarted their models and sent the heavier flakes far away from here. Anywhere but here. I don’t want to deal with the stuff or anything related to it. I don’t want to see plows or the pretty faces on televison displaying dire warnings of danger to life and limb. And I don’t want to have to fear the little woman sliding into another bridge abutment, Hyundai, or snow route sign and dealing again with deductibles and body shops. What I do want is to stand in Norms front yard on a warm and sunny day to share a beer and a few chuckles.

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